Saturday, February 28, 2004

Two months???

Sorry Nick, but I couldn't resist. I stepped out onto Velvet!!! It's been a long, long five months since I and her were one and oh my was it as good I remember! I hope you understand... her gay-zing views and endearing charm seduced me.

I yearn for her return.

The collage of life in a nutshell.

I'm in a mood today - mulling over such things as weighing future life directions has taken its toll. Should I return home? Should I stay here? Or should I embark on a journey of incalcuable proportions? Life is finite. Thus one cannot worry about the short-term reprucussions of limited employment or sparse cash... or so I'm told.

Monday, February 23, 2004

The beatings will continue until morale improves

The CBC has quite the incendiary hockey illustrator. But they've also got a guided tour of hippie haven Yorkville (before the yuppie and yettie infestation) hosted by none other than William Gibson. They've also got, in no particular order, a video series on Expo '67, Canada's reaction to the New Coke, and how The Queen was amused, not only by the antics of Dick Giro as he listened to Dio for hours before his computer, but by the CBC Archives website itself!!! My only question is where the frig is Neil?

Also: Three Stories on Christopher Walken.


'Shoegazing' is back and happily I am the conduit. My renewed interest in such fascinating epics as 'Loveless' and Jesus and Mary Chain has led to a reawakening of all things early 90s. But the question remains... who came up with the term 'dream pop'??? (Or the word 'carnie' for that matter.)

Also note the Velvet Lounge's first fallen angel award.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

A Certain Stain on the Glass Pane of Life

Kent was most proverbial tonight, sending us crumpling to the floor in laughter. Everything is roses for Kent except when you mention Pritch, wherein he invokes epithets unheard outside the operator booth of an amusement ride at the 1972 Illinois State Fair. But let the Queen's word be as gospel: if you haven't gotten tired of the most popular items in that most incestuous of worlds, the Blog-O-Sphere™, and you'd like to shirk the more pedestrian of research sesshins and take up a greater celebration of eloquence (the kind Kent graciously provided this eve), might I recommend a trip to the Arabian AutoInsulter? And may a slew of grainy Zen Masters plough milkshakes into your frail Wang computer!

Tuesday, February 10, 2004


So we've got Eddie in and Kent out. The ideological repercussions imminent to this household are staggering. Cher instead of "Proud to Be an American". Latt├ęs instead of bowel effluvia emitted in the living room.

"Eddie, man!"

instead of,

"Kent, woman!"

Anyway. Whether this change to the 74 Constance roster was due to Craigslist or not, at least Pritchard Nixon's urges to yell have been slaked for another few fortnights. But Craigslist offers a cornucopia of craziness...behold a lovelorn letter to Carrie, an advice piece on women that barely....barely hides the misogyny, a Harvard fanboy's lament, and a public service announcement, among other gems.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Ah, The Grand Ole Game.

Curling - nothing short of a regal (and pricey!) game meant for only those brave enough to drink their own body weight in one sitting. But what really is this sport all about? Why do grown (and heavily souced) individuals slide down a frozen sheet of ice with a yellow slab of granite in their hand? Why do they yell such provocative comments as 'hard' anyways?

I think it's because they're punch drunk and like to throw things. Which begs the question... why does the ice have to be so pristine? If the game was invented using a clump of shit and a patch of frozen cow piss in Scotland, why does curling need 'perfect ice' today? Is it really the same game... how the hell could anyone make 'perfect ice' in the 1300s for god sake. I wonder if a medieval curler called for a 'mulligan' every time his clump of shit hit a dingleberry just shy of the button sending it zooming off the 'rink' and straight to the bottom of the lake.

I say bring curling back to its roots and bring not drinking, but drunkeness back into the mainstream.

At least 'the wrench' is back.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Think Pelle Eklund is Unstoppable?

Fear the Tecmo Bo! Or the other hockey video game legends. Why has one Tomas Sandstrom, Los Angeles Kings right-winger, been left off this list?

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Orr as the devil.

The role of our beloved Bobby in the destruction of the national pastime.

A point of conversation ideeed.

Want to be the envy of your mobile home park? Get the 'LV Home kit' now before they're all sold out!!!

For those with higher aspirations, please defer to this and this.

Slammin' Genesis Controllers like a Clapper-Clawed Clack-Dish

No tawdry accoutrements here, just the filth. Probably at least half of this stuff comes from conversations that Pritchard "overheard" while assembling his morning repast (eggs over-hard, ham [ed: long "a" on the "ham" -- like Paaants], cat parts, Alka Seltzer tablet, clodhoppers, tumbler of OJ) beneath our ventilation ducts.

  • Horse labour for pig wages, I tell you!

  • Why Paris Stronach's campaign for a better Canastia is so much rigamarole (not to mention shrill-gorged hoo-ha).

  • And lastly, if you haven't yet, print out and read that Dominion in case your loggerheaded slattern of a maid threw out your copy of The Walrus while dusting behind the dead plant.

Monday, February 02, 2004

On The Bee-yatch, Ten Minutes to Catatonia

While I'm sure Dick wouldn't object to Visiting the Queen while working on his assignment, might I suggest a honey slide instead? If it's good enough for Neil it's good enough for the residents of seventy-four Constance.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

My Back still aches when I hear that word.

'Chew on this 'hipsters''... and other quips from the 'Man of the Land'.