Sunday, November 28, 2004

The mouth of the south

"Listen. How come these Ontarians keep electing these French-Canadian motherfuckers? No, I mean, it always comes down to Ontario, and look....Mulroney, Chretien, Trudeau...yep, Martin...I mean, what the fuck, this guy's riding [points at friend] is Martin's riding. Are you a Martin fan? Nah me neither. I don't like any of them. Layton's a twat, Harper is Bush Junior. Look, how the fuck did George Bush get re-elected? You got these states like Tennessee, Alabama, Missouri. These guys were hanging black people thirty years ago. And these motherfuckers control the world? Look, it's fucking retarded. Canada only has two provinces. Fuck everyone else cause they do nothing. Canada only has two provinces, Ontario and Quebec. Hang on, hang on, look.....I love Quebec. These fucking frogs should be able to speak their French and whatever, this province is more important than fucking Alberta. What the fuck has Alberta ever done. Look, Alberta is 60% Ontarians who went out there for the fucking oil. You talk to your average Albertan and he says, yeah, I'm going home for the holidays to visit my family in Oakville! It's bullshit! Meanwhile you have these faggoty British Columbians, wanting to spend Ontario tax dollars to keep their fucking forests....what the fuck. These Westerners want to separate from Canada? Fuck 'em. I don't give a shit. Ontario and Quebec are the only two provinces worth anything. And who's this bitch, now, Parrish? Is that her name? Parrish? Carolyn Parrish? Fuck her. She's an airhead. I hope she fucking dies. I hope Mississauga separates. I hope Toronto tells Mississauga to go fuck itself in the asshole with a big rubber dick. Mississauga's never done anything. You know what Mississauga is? A big fucking choad. That's what Mississauga is...nothing but a fucking choad. A choad! And fuck Toronto. Toronto is the biggest piece of shit town, I don't care. Basically, fuck Toronto, fuck Alberta, fuck British Columbia, and fuck the East Coast, and fuck these Bush-voting motherfuckers. What? The North? Oh yeah, fuck the North too, these fuckers want to become a province, yeah, like I'm supposed to put my tax dollars so you can keep drinking booze out of a garbage bag. Fuck you, Inuits. Fuck this whole damn country. I love Canada because I can watch curling in a bar at three in the morning. Seriously British Columbia can go fuck itself. Hey what you drinking? Rum and coke? Vodka and coke? Here I'll get it for you. Let me take a piss first. Fucking calisse.

K.E. Moffatt, 28/11/2004, Sir Winston Churchill's, Montreal, QC

4 Comments:

Blogger Dick said...

Fucking beautiful... it brings tears to my eyes. It's that kind of Elmer that reminds me of the time we fist fought on Queen Street, headed into the Horseshoe and proceeded to get kicked out...

Kent: Are you a jew?

Guy: No, I'm from Iran.

Kent: Sorry, it was the glasses that threw me off.

Ah, the memories.

1:37 AM  
Blogger kilpatrick said...

Politics 101 in the eyes of the Bostonian. Isn't that a brand of dress shoe that is now made in sweatshops all across the world?

10:32 AM  
Blogger Dick said...

Hey, check this out.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No matter how many time i read that it akes more and more sense each time not only that if funny as fuck.

5:17 PM  

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