Saturday, February 18, 2006

Having Regard to Continuity

I don't believe I've ever put up two posts in one day, but today I couldn't resist.

My last address was filled with roommates of the literary sort. It was not uncommon to see Neil Postman or aged copies of the Walrus and Harpers strewn about. A stack of newspapers over two feet high teetered in our unused dining room and we all took particular pride in our individual well-stocked personal libraries. Well read and opinionated, it was thus not unnatural when a 'Worst Column of the Month' section emerged on the upper left portion of the fridge door.

While garnering odd looks from visitors and repairmen alike, we understood when Leah McLaren repeatedly appeared front and centre on the hallowed shrine - indeed she set the record. For four months straight, Ms. McLaren took top honours by alternately shocking, disgusting and nauseating us with her tiresome ramblings, faux-socialite attention-desperate bile and self-indulgent scenester antics. For our purposes it was pure gold in the liquid sense.

But we were not alone. Across the city, all sorts were outraged at her debasing camp, culminating in the witty and now regrettably defunct 'Dissecting Leah McLaren'.

For those of us who were saddened to see the demise of the dearly departed, it is admittedly redeeming to see Ryan Bigge pick up the torch. In response to Leah's breakout literary 'attempt' involving a desperate middle aged woman bent on becoming an uncompromising 'raging sperm bandit', Bigge lays out the facts via a recent book review in the rival Star:

"The Continuity Girl illuminates the limitations of my thesaurus. Uber-lousy? Fifth-rate? Super-bad? None of above. There exists no English word that adequately describes the not-so-goodness herein. Even the German word SaumassigeSchreibmaschiene, which roughly translates into "putrid garbage typewriter prose," fails to convey the stench of this slush pile."

See unedited version here.

Beautiful, simply beautiful. In tribute to the old fridge, I've cut it out and put it on the office bulletin board.


Blogger A.D.D said...

Hello to you Mr. Uranus it has been a while since i have last seen you. I look foward to our next NHL tournament. See you soon

P.S I have something for you.

1:38 PM  
Blogger MapMaster said...

I'm afraid I have nothing for you myself, but that was the best negative review I think I have ever read, better than Garrison Keillor's takedown of American Vertigo: Traveling America in the Footsteps of Tocqueville. Toronto journalists certainly inhabit a very odd world.

12:09 AM  

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